Rhinocrisy

Sometime last week, it emerged that someone was distributing a mod for the game “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” called Hot Coffee, which allows you to view some sex scenes apparently hidden in the game. Rockstar denies having anything to do with this; the mod’s author claims he only unlocked what was already there, and he can prove it. The scenes are real and are definitely explicit (you can find screenshots easily enough with Ole Henry).

Anyway: if any of you have ever played GTA, you’re probably finding it hard to give a toss. After all, the game involves shooting up innocent people, stealing cars, pimping, and other high crimes and misdemeanors. Surely a little consensual sex should not raise many eyebrows, especially since the game is rated “M for Mature”.

But, for some reason, sex crosses lines that misogyny, drug-dealing and brutal murder does not. Jumping on this particular train is Hillary Clinton (Joe Lieberman is aboard, as well). Quoth the Senator:

Clinton (D-N.Y.), meanwhile, said she will introduce legislation to help keep inappropriate video games out of the hands of children, and has asked the Federal Trade Commission to investigate the “Grand Theft Auto” game.

Her legislative proposal would institute a financial penalty for retailers who fail to enforce the video manufacturers voluntary ratings system rules. It would prohibit the sale of violent and sexually explicit video games to minors and put in place a $5,000 penalty for those who violate the law.

“The disturbing material in ‘Grand Theft Auto’ and other games like it is stealing the innocence of our children, and it’s making the difficult job of being a parent even harder,” Clinton said.

In calling for the FTC to launch an investigation, Clinton urged the commission to determine whether an AO rating (adults only) is more appropriate than the current M rating (mature) for the video game given this new sexually explicit content. She also requested that the FTC examine the adequacy of retailers’ rating-enforcement policies.

Now, far be it from me to question the intelligence of a U.S. Senator, but… does Senator Clinton have Krispy Kreme donuts where her frontal lobe should be? An “M” rating restricts games to 17-year-olds (ostensibly), who, last I checked, were not exactly paragons of innocence. Furthermore, those parents who DO allow their kids to play this game are either (a) gleefully unaware of what their kid is consuming or (b) sublimely indifferent. In either case, the fault is obviously with the parent, whose responsibility it is to discipline the child, not with the game itself.

Clinton is also, apparently, calling for further studies into the effect of video games on children. Personally, I think she could have far more transparently courted conservative votes by simply having herself nailed up on a cross on the Capitol steps.

I think this is a fine opportunity to point out that Clinton is a slimy politician, lest anyone have any doubt, and in the coming years when she stands up against torrents of putrescent bile spilling from the mouths of a horde of evil conservatives, do not let yourself be swayed; harden your heart, and remember: she’s not a human being. She is a construct, a cipher, a manifestation of forms.

But, back to the issue at hand; Clinton, as a cipher, is only expressing an extant societal tendency. I’m not certain that it has become harder to raise children in recent years, since I’ve never been a parent and I certainly have no basis for comparison over several generations. Actually I suspect instead that shrill voices have always been shrieking to scrub the world clean of all the filthy bits of drek humanity creates. An ugly and futile sentiment – we ourselves are the ones who shit and piss. Whether we scatter it everywhere or don’t, it has to exist. We’ll never make ourselves clean by denying that. Far better to see the world as it is and learn to live in it, messy bits and all.

Yesterday, the brilliant James Wolcott penned a missive about the bizarro-world “compassion” of the Bush Administration. But it might have been quicker simply to draw readers’ attention to this story, which I believe captures the Bush Administration’s level of empathy for the misconvicted, for the tsunami tsurvivors, for the various victims of bombings in Iraq, Indonesia, Israel, you name it, and for so many more I’ve lost count.

Convergence of Driver, Bicyclist Ends in Arrest: Bystanders Track Alleged Assailant
By Petula Dvorak
It began as a shouting match on a busy Capitol Hill street corner during the frenetic morning commute, a bike-vs.-car incident not uncommon in a big city.

But then the silver-haired, retired Navy lieutenant got out of his car, approached the red-headed ballet dancer riding a bike and allegedly shoved her to the ground, authorities said. He got back into his car and, as bystanders followed him, drove down the block to his nearby office, the bicyclist said.

The man was identified as Ted E. Schelenski, 64, vice president for finance and operations at the Heritage Foundation, a think tank that promotes conservative policies. He pleaded not guilty this week to a charge of simple assault.

(There is much more at the Washington Post site.)

The difference is that the VP-Finance of the Heritage Foundation was promptly hauled off to jail, which is what decent people do to sociopaths in everyday life. For some reason, people are able to pretend that international affairs are different from city sidewalks.

After London, many smart liberals are ranting about how this disproves the “flypaper theory.” You know, the idea expressed by the President of the USA when he approvingly quoted, “We either deal with terrorism and this extremism abroad, or we deal with it when it comes to us.”

Sorry folks, but the flypaper theory is a success. While the liberals complain about its supposed failings, that just shows what they know about flypaper.

Flypaper is a sticky amber-colored film often seen hanging in a barn. It smells sweet to the manure flies; they fly at it for a treat and get stuck.

There are different ways to reduce the flies on a farm. At some groovy hippy farms, they let the cattle wander around in the fields, dropping cow pies here and there. Cow pies would normally provide a fertile ground for fly reproduction, so farmers bring in a mobile chicken coop. The birds scratch through the cow pies, breaking them up into fertilizer and scavenging the fly larvae — better known as grubs — as nutritious snacks.

This can, according to farmers I’ve talked to as I root through their meadows, pretty much eliminate flies. When chickens chew up grubs, they are, as the MBAs say, incented to them all. If you don’t let the manure pile up, the chickens, which in this analogy is the decentralized force of a healthy social system, can keep farms free of flies.

Then there’s flypaper. Anyone knows who has actually lived on a farm (sorry President Bush, but your “ranch” doesn’t count) knows that no matter how much flypaper you hang up in a barn, there are always flies rising from the manure pile, and some escape. That’s because flypaper catches flies after they’re born.

Farms that use flypaper to fight off the pests rising from ever deeper and more fetid manure (I’m thinking of my childhood home here) are doomed to flies not just in the barn but in the pond, on the porch, and once in a while, in the house.

The flypaper theory is exactly right. Iraq is a manure pile. Our brave soldiers, sent as decoys, are flypaper. And London, on the morning of 7/7, demonstrated how well flypaper works.

Somehow, I managed to bruise my rotator cuff. I suspect this somehow relates to rock-climbing and not being strong enough in a thousand different ways. However, I will use this opportunity constructively to provide some compelling evidence that Christianity is bunk.

Observe the diagram to the right. You will note that the rotator cuff is a tendon supporting the humerus. You will also note that the rotator cuff runs UNDER the scapula (shoulder blade), between it and the ball of the humerus. This means that it is incredibly prone to being pinched by the two bones, resulting in inflammation and tearing. This is why rotator cuff injuries are so common.

Now, based on this, we can construct a proof as follows:

Some important tenets of Christianity:

Don’t miss this Pharyngula post on the difficulties women face in science. It’s a two-fer, the first part about the “leaky pipe” syndrome at various stages in the European Young Investigator awards, and the second a paper demonstrating bias in peer review, concluding that women need to be, on average, 2.5 times as competent as men to be judged as competent. !.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. No internet at home. No blogging at work — I’ve burrowed my way into a major news organization.

Anyway, apropos of Saurabh’s last post: Here in Warshington, the question on my colleagues’ lips is, how will they squirm out of this one?

I think a really wingnut Supreme Court nomination would pull the headlines away.

Others worry that they’ll have to spend time covering a Rehnquist resignation.

And if all else fails, there’s always the Clinton option.

You know, as in “Iran is Bushese for Kosovo.”

And meanwhile, am I the only one who thinks MoveOn.org and other liberal groups are moronic in pushing for Rove to quit? They should be pushing for him to get thrown in jail. Maybe he can take over Judy Miller’s cell.

Work is hell this week (in preparation for the ENCODE genome consortium meeting coming up), so light on the posting.

However, I couldn’t miss the opportunity to insist that everyone read this July 11 White House press briefing, where Mr. McClellan categorically refuses to comment on the Rove/Plame affair. It’s simply gorgeous. My man Scott takes repeated kicks to the groin and ends up rolling around on the floor moaning and weeping. Ah, how sweet it is! I’ve been waiting for this moment. Here’s a choice niblet:

Q Scott, I mean, just — I mean, this is ridiculous. The notion that you’re going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell people watching this that somehow you decided not to talk. You’ve got a public record out there. Do you stand by your remarks from that podium, or not?

Ah! Rapturous!

MR. McCLELLAN: John, I appreciate your questions. You can keep asking them, but you have my response.

Go ahead, Dave.

Q We are going to keep asking them. When did the President learn that Karl Rove had had a conversation with the President — with a news reporter about the involvement of Joseph Wilson’s wife and the decision to send –

MR. McCLELLAN: I’ve responded to the questions.

Q When did the President learn that Karl Rove had –

MR. McCLELLAN: I’ve responded to the questions, Dick.

Lest you (ye teeming masses) miss it in all the London-related cacophony, be careful to note that Iran and Iraq are taking the first bold steps towards greater cooperation. Jaafari is going to visit Tehran later this month with a delegation from Iraq, and Iran has agreed to provide training to Iraqi troops. This is certainly going to antagonize the U.S., but I think that’s an unmitigated good. The more distance created between the Iraqi government and the U.S., and the less dependent it becomes on us, the better for all parties.

Also, while I’m mentioning Iran, Yoshie of Critical Montages has been doing a lot of cheerleading for recent elect Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who he feels is a lot more progressive in the pro-working-class, anti-neoliberal sense than some of the other “moderate” anti-clerical candidates. I’d like to be writing stuff of such depth, but unfortunately I suck. So just pretend that Yoshie is me. s/Yoshie/saurabh/g.

A while back I stepped out of the house in the morning and found myself in the midst of a completely impenetrable fog. Somewhat elated by this but otherwise nonplussed, I leapt onto my bike (presently disassembled awaiting repainting – oh my darling, how I miss thee) and set off.

It was definitely my kind of day, thoroughly weird and fey. Cars all had to travel at a crawl like confused buffalo, while I zipped around them and cackled to myself. Sound just sort of happened, somewhere, entirely free of visual context. People became ghosts, appearing and disappearing intermittently.

And that was before I even got to the river. If elsewhere the fog was impenetrable, there, fed by the Charles, it was even more: practically solid, adamantine. It was mystery itself, drifting slowly across the surface of the water.

Midway along the bridge I happened on a girl, leaning against the railing, staring over at blank whiteness. I sidled up behind her. She broke from her reverie and half-turned towards me, startled. “Careful, miss,” I croaked. “Cursed pirates sail these waters!”

Her face cracked wide with delight and she spun back to the mists expectantly, waiting for that mystery to unfold and birth something fantastic. And I put my foot down on my pedal and sailed on, feeling a little magical.

Below I describe this London bombing as a major terrorist incident. Meanwhile, 13 people died in a coordinated series of bombings in Hilla, just south of Baghdad, today. Nothing new for them. So I should say, rather, that today London is a little bit more like Baghdad.