24th
January
2006
We are blushing
posted by saurabh in Uncategorized |So some anonymous do-gooder has apparently nominated us for the category of “Most Deserving of Wider Recognition“* in the 2005 Koufax Awards. We are there along with some 300-other blogs, including the definitely deserving Nur al-Cubicle, Pinko Feminist Hellcat, and Yep, Another Goddamn Blog, all of whom are capable of writing longer paragraphs than I am. Unlikely indeed that this humble blog should rise to the top of this stack, but I won’t complain if we do. Perhaps we can help the cause along by increasing our buoyancy - hot air rises! We will begin now. “Harumph, harumph! Capitalism! Destruction of the earth! Et cetera, et cetera. Something about animals!”
* This category reminds me of one we had in our Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby†, “Most Kid-like Construction”, which I used to win every year because I was the only kid who actually made my own damn racer.
† A Pinewood Derby is where you hand out a bunch of blocks of wood and a set of wheels to several hundred kids. They take them home to their engineer dads, who craft the blocks of wood into aerodynamically perfect, forward-weighted, graphite-lubed racing machines. (Including spoilers. I am not shitting you.) Then everyone races their cars down a ramp, and I lose.
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I remember the time one kid’s dad shellacked his racer, and it was SO DAMN SHINY that your Cub Scout Troop leader Dad invented a new award on the spot, for “Most Shiny”. I think the leader was the dad who painted the damn thing too, and his shiny car didn’t win…
Posted by DearDarlingDidi
Where did you grow up, Saurabh? 1950? They seriously still have boxcar derbies?
Posted by Dan
Pinewood Derby. The car is the size of your hand, and you could not sit in it unless you had a severe genetic disorder or an unusually clever parent.
Posted by saurabh
=v= I used to make kid-like Pinewood Derby cars, too. Rather than attempting smoothness and aerodynamicity, I based my design on my whittling abilities. I figured I’d have no trouble carving it into a Barney Rubble car, which is basically a log with wheels.
After carving it about halfway in front, I weighed it. It seemed to me that I wanted the thing to be as heavy as possible, since it’s a downhill race, and already I was alarmingly lightweight. I changed the design goal: since the front looked like a loaf of bread, I pretended it was an old-fashioned radiator. I drew a grid on it with a magic marker, and to bring the weight back up to just under the minimum, I put a nail in the seat and stuck a Fisher Price Little Person on it.
I did not win any awards for prettiness. However, I did almost win. During the penultimate race, my car hit a seam in the track assembly and my Little Person popped out and landed on the other car’s track. I was afraid that my driver’s kamikaze tactics would disqualify me, but it was clear to everyone that my car would’ve won that race anyway, so I was allowed to go on to the finals — but without the Little Person.
My now lighter-weight hunk of wood came in second. So close …
P.S.: Cars suck.
Posted by Jym
We interrupt this discussion to make an urgent announcement–CUTE BABY RHINOCEROS! SOOOO CUTE!
Posted by Saheli